The Needs of Today's Children

I remember when I was younger and would be mad at my parents for something, I would say in my mind, “When I’m a parent, I wouldn’t ever do that to my kid! I’m going to be so different from my parents when I grow up!” Well, now that I’m older I realize how good my parents were to me. There are things that I would changes, but overall, I know that they tried their best and they did great.

Don’t we all have a desire to improve and change things from what our parents did? We usually want to make those changes so that we can help our children grow and develop and learn the important lessons from the very start. For me, I want to help my children become responsible and learn how important it is for them to learn to solve their own problems and make good decisions. Parenting helps children to do that. Parenting is to protect and prepare a child to thrive in this world.

There are a few needs that children have that we need to be aware of as parents in order to understand our children, and to help them understand what they are feeling. For more information about these needs watch some Active Parenting videos.

First, children need to have contact. They need to have physical touch. There have been several science experiments with monkeys about this need. In one that I watched, there was a monkey was born and didn’t have any contact with anyone. The monkey was more hostile and didn’t develop as quickly as the ones that had physical touch with their mothers. To have contact with our children, we don’t necessarily have to hug them for 10 seconds every hour of each day, but we can even just give high fives or when we walk by pat their back.

Second, children need to have a sense of belonging. This is best done by having the children contribute to the family. Chores, planting a garden or being on a sports team can help them to feel like they are helping the whole to succeed. This brings pride and self-worth.

Third, all children need to feel protection. If children don’t feel safe, they won’t be able to accomplish the things that they need to because they will feel inadequate. We need to teach them how to be assertive through our example, encouraging them to express assertiveness, and accept it when they exercise it with us. We also need to teach them how to forgive. Forgiveness is powerful, and when they see how much power they have when they can use their assertiveness to resist bad situations, and use forgiveness when someone has wronged them they will become confident and aware of how much their decisions and actions mean.

Fourth, children need to learn how to appropriately withdrawal. This means to learn that it’s okay and even a good thing to take breaks. A great way to do this is by being an example. If you both are working together to clean the garage, it would be good to tell your child that you are in need of a break to sit and eat a popsicle. After you guys do that than return to cleaning the garage. This teaches them that they are do hard things, and that it’s healthy to take a few minutes to gain energy. It also teaches them that when hard things come up, they can take it one step at a time and not get as overwhelmed.

The fifth and final that I will talk about is need for challenge. Have you ever noticed that children love do things that are a challenge for them? For the little ones, feeding themselves, cleaning their room all by themselves, riding their bike. For the older kids taking AP classes, and making dinner for the whole family. By doing things that are challenging for them they are able to build skills and gain a feeling of accomplishment.

One saying that I heard this week that I really like was, “You can’t get enough of what you don’t need.” Let’s say a child starts acting out and getting in everyone’s face. If the parents keep trying to discipline the child and tell him to stop, he will probably continue to do it. But if the parents reach out to him and maybe tickle him and pat his back though out the day, he is more likely to not act out.

Parenting is so important. It’s a blessing that God trusts us enough to raise these sweet spirits. As we understand their needs and help them to recognize their own needs we will help them to develop responsibility, respect and kindness.