Dating, Courtship, Engagement, Marriage

Since last week we talked about dating, I want to talk about dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. All of them have specific steps that need to be taken to improve the quality of the marriage.

We already talked about how dating will increase your knowledge of who that person is. This step is huge! We’re able to gain knowledge of what we like in a partner and see what qualities we don’t want in a partner. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the church tells us to date when we are 16. If we start then by going on fun dates with people, we will get a pretty good idea of what we are looking for in a partner.

After dating, having a wide variety of activities with a person of the opposite gender to get to know them, courtship comes next. This is where the couple usually has a DTR (define the relationship) to see where they both want this friendship to go. Courtship, along with all of these steps but more so in my eyes, is the most important step of this process when it comes to seeing how compatible you two are with the possibility of marriage. This is the step where as a couple you are getting now each other on a deeper level. You get to know each other’s family, what their views on debt are, what they think about children, what their education goals are, discussions about who will do the housework, who will be the breadwinner and where you see yourselves in 5 years. This is the step that will lead to engagement.

So, I have to say… It’s important to be picky in the courtship step. When I say picky, I don’t mean to have the person you’re dating fulfill all of the qualities on your “perfect spouse” list. To be honest, some of the things that we have on our lists are unrealistic. And I know that God will help you to know which ones on your list that you need to let go. But, there are super important qualities that the person that you are dating should have. Such as being temple worthy, wanting a family, observing the Sabbath Day, being  honest, feeling like they make you a better person when you are with them, being a return missionary, obeying the commandments, etc.

Engagement is a fun and crazy time. This is where you two are officially together. You have both decided to get married and spend eternity with each other. You have to figure out a budget to live off of, housing, and plan the wedding. You have to schedule the temple, get a dress or suit, plan a photographer, get a wedding cake, have a bouquet made for the bride and bridesmaid, reserve a venue and decide on food served at the reception. All of that of course is fun and to some it’s more important than others. But the most important part of the engagement step is to plan the marriage.

In our culture today wedding celebrations are huge! Weddings are thousands of dollars and it’s so easy to get caught up in all of the celebrations. But, we need to remember that just like in courtship, we need to be getting to know each other more, talking even more in depth about subjects. Remember to focus on you and your fiancé/fiancée during that time and the life that you are about to begin with each other, not just about the celebration.

The next and final step is marriage. There are a lot of changes that happen in marriage. You both live together, share the same bathroom and need to, again, talk about your expectations and the situations that come up on a day basis. Some of these include combining bank accounts, balancing school and work, sexual intimacy, who will go shopping, who will do the cooking, conversations that you will be sharing with family, where you’ll be spending holidays with family and boundaries with how much time you’ll be spending with friends.

As we can see, there is importance to the dating, courtship, engagement and marriage steps because there are transitions and levels of friendship that you will gain with each other. As we get to know our future spouse more and more throughout these steps we will be able to face our challenges together and be there to help each other out because we’ll truly be friends. By getting to know someone on each of these levels we will have a better transition into married life.