Dating: Why is it Important?

One of the most obvious but sometimes overlooked reason for dating is to learn more about the person you are dating. Dating should be fun and adventurous. But even in my dating years and sometimes with my husband we aren’t focusing on learning more about each other we just being with each other. I think now more than ever dating has been more of a hangout scenario than actually dating. I had several dates where we would just watch a movie. Was I able to learn anything about that other person during that movie? Sure, I learned that he paid for a big bucket of popcorn and ate a lot of it really fast, that he likes action movies, and doesn’t like to talk while the movie is playing. Those things are all good things to know, but I think I could have learned a lot more about the dates that I went on if we didn’t go to a movie.

I also want to say that it’s important to not do the same kind of activity for each date as well. If you only go rock climbing for each date that you have with the same guy then you wouldn’t be able to experience different situations together and see how they act in each of them.

This might seem like a dumb question, but why is it super important to really know someone before you commit to marry them? Why isn’t just getting to know them just a little bit not alright?

My first thoughts are that you marry those that you spend time with, marriage is meant to be eternal, when you know someone you are really friends and not just “in love”, and that we should experience joy in this life and not just endure.

We know that a Temple marriage with the proper authority of God allows a man and a woman to enter into a covenant marriage that continues after death. They receive blessings as they live those covenants and stay faithful to their spouse. In his BYU devotional, “Marriage and Divorce,” President Kimball said, “Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations.”

John Gottoman, a well-known marriage therapist, has said the friendship between the couple is the biggest predictor of whether or not the couple will stay together or get a divorce. It’s not all about the things that you do together or how much money you have, it’s about your friendship and how you teach each other that determines whether or not you are more likely to stay married.

Being married, I understand what Gottoman is talking about. And I think even those that aren’t married can understand this. Think of a friend that you have. Have you ever had a situation come up where you weren’t sure if they were mad at you or not? Sometimes you may shrug it off, talk about it with your friend, or somethings the friendship with that person is over because of something that they thought that you did. Depending on how good your friendship is and the ability to talk with each other through hard times will help you succeed. Being friends and understanding each other helps immensely in marriage.

When I thought about marriage growing up I always pictured me being so happy, organized and able to do anything. I think a lot of us picture it that way. And that can become a reality when we remember to choose to have joy, even in the hard times. But, even in the best of times and the worst of times there is one things that is essential in order to make a marriage work. It’s love.

There are many different kinds of love:

Agape love: a love that is independent of one’s feelings for another, acts in behalf of them whether or not you like that person or not;

Philia: love between friends;

Eros: love between men and women, romance;

and Storge: love between parents and their children.

Believe it or not, all of these kinds of love are important in a marriage. My favorite definition of love is “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth” (The Road Less Traveled).  

So get to know those that you date, have fun and become friends! That will make all of the difference if you marry your best friend for all eternity.